


Losing Myself

by TearfulShadows



Category: Shugo Chara!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1894101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearfulShadows/pseuds/TearfulShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kukai regrets lying to Amu but knows it's necessary.  Can something good come from these lies or will Amu lose herself and everything she holds dear?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the speech contest episode. I have changed a lot of the plot of that episode so this is rather largely AU. It also has light Amukai.

He felt bad lying to her, he really did; but it was necessary for the plan.  They had to figure out if Nikaidou was the one behind all the X-eggs and this was the easiest way.

Still…did they have to lie to Hinamori-san too? Couldn’t they at least let her in on the plan?

Kukai felt a stab of pain in his heart with each increasingly accusatory word that he threw at her.  He watched as she seemed to draw in on herself and her eyes dulled to a burnished gold.  She appeared to have lost all her energy and, when she had ran out the door unable to take any more, his eyes tracked her until she turned the corner.

“Was that really necessary, Souma-kun?” Nadeshiko asked, worriedly staring in the direction that Amu had run in.

“She has to believe that Tadase and I are fighting.  After all, if you can’t trick your friends, how can you expect to trick your enemies?” Kukai said but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“But you didn’t have to be so harsh about it!” Yaya muttered.  “Amu-chi worked so hard on her speech.  She was really excited to show it to you.  Even though we all told her it was great, she wouldn’t listen until she got your opinion.”

Kukai inhaled sharply.  But why… “Why would she want my opinion? I’m sure she’d value Tadase’s over mine.  Everyone knows she likes him.”

The room suddenly got quiet and a dark aura radiated from Nadeshiko.  “Kukai you idiot!” she yelled, punching him hard enough to send him flying across the room. 

“Ow Nadeshiko! What the hell was that for?” Kukai asked.

“Do you think her ‘Cool and Spicy’ mask is the only one she wears?”  Nadeshiko said venomously, her Character Change abruptly ending.  “Amu hasn’t liked Tadase since that soccer practice she joined.  Everyone expected her to like Tadase since her first Character Change with Ran so she put on that mask.”

Kukai gaped and sputtered incoherently while Tadase pouted.  “You mean she doesn’t like me anymore?” Tadase whispered.  That wouldn’t do…that wouldn’t do at all.  He would just have to act more… _princely_ so Amu would like him again.  He couldn’t let a person with so much power love a commoner.

“How do you know that? She’s never even given off a hint of indifference towards Tadase!” Kukai exclaimed, not understanding how he could have missed something this big.

“I’m her best friend, Souma-kun.” Nadeshiko said as if it was obvious.  “I know everything about her and she knows everything about me.” Nadeshiko had even told her the Fujisaki family secret and through it all the two had remained best friends.

Kukai just couldn’t believe it.  Amu didn’t like Tadase; she hadn’t liked him since that soccer practice that he had thoroughly gotten his ass handed to him.  How was that even possible?  If not Tadase, then who?

“Who does she like if it isn’t Tadase?” Kukai asked, causing Tadase to quit his mutinous muttering and pay attention to the conversation.

“It’s not that hard to figure out, Kukai.” Yaya said quietly.  “Amu seems like a super complex person until you get to know her.  She’s actually not that hard to figure out.”

His mind was racing.  The girls were acting like he should already know so what had they told him that should have clued him in?

Amu hadn’t liked Tadase since she had played soccer with him.

She really wanted his opinion on her speech even though the others had already told her it was good.

Amu was devastated when Kukai had begun fighting with Tadase and hurled nasty things at her.

…oh! God he was such an idiot!

“It’s me isn’t it?” he asked.  The girls smirked, internally amused that it had taken him so long to figure out something that should have been quite obvious.

“But I said all those terrible things to her…” Kukai said with a gasp.  Guilt clenched in his stomach and he had never felt lower in his life.  This was ten times worse than losing a thousand soccer championships.

“I’ve gotta go find her!” Kukai exclaimed, dashing out of the room in a similar manner as Amu had done previously.

The girls stood there for a minute before simultaneously sighing.  “We should probably go find them so we can spring the trap on Nikaidou.  Even though this wasn’t the plan, there’s no way he’ll pass up this good of a chance.” Nadeshiko said.

Yaya nodded and grabbed Tadase’s arm.  “Come on Tadase; we have more things to worry about than your wounded pride.”

 

 

“Hinamori? Hinamori damn it, where did you go?” Kukai cursed as he ran down the hallways of the school.  He had already checked the classrooms and looked out all the windows and he couldn’t find her.  He came grinding to a halt in front of the doors to the library to catch his breath, giving the others a chance to catch up with him.

“I hope she’s in here and that Nikaidou hasn’t already gotten to her.” Yaya gasped, clutching a stitch in her side.

Having caught his breath, Kukai pushed open the doors.  He took a few steps in and stopped dead in his tracks.  Amu was slumped against a bookcase with blood pooling around her from a good-sized cut down her side.  Her Charas were all in their eggs and the colors on the outside of the eggs were fading.  Nikaidou stood over her, an arm reached out to grab her eggs.

“Let’s go Daichi.” Kukai said, rage coursing through his body such that he had never thought himself capable of feeling.  Daichi nodded and a star clip appeared in Kukai’s hair.

“Nikaidou, leave Hinamori alone!” Kukai yelled as a red, green, and blue patterned soccer ball appeared in front of him.

 _”This is new…”_ Kukai thought in shock. 

Nikaidou half-turned to see who was interrupting his research.  He sneered as he saw the Guardians and turned back to Amu, once again reaching for her eggs.  As the Guardians watched, the colors seemed to be getting darker by the second.

“Hinamori!” Kukai yelled.  He was shocked to see her weakly raise her head and lock eyes with him.  The fiery gold was rapidly cooling and becoming blank.  Ice formed in his heart at the thought of Amu being injured and unable to fight Nikaidou off.  Resolve hardened and determination flared as he kicked the ball with all his might yelling, “Penalty Shot!”

His aim was true and the soccer ball collided with Nikaidou’s arm with a sickening crack.  Nikaidou hissed and cradled his arm against his body.  With a glare, he turned and quickly escaped through the window.  For now, he would retreat.  He had gotten all the research he needed from the Seiyo.

The Guardians stood frozen in shock for a moment before Kukai’s Character Change wore off and he sprang into action.  He ran to Amu’s side and dropped down beside her, the others quickly following suit.

“Why are her eggs still turning?” Yaya worriedly pointed out.

Amu’s eyes were still blanking and her eggs were almost black.  The puddle of blood was slowly increasing around them.

“Amu.” Kukai whispered.  He gently ran his hand through her hair and brought his hand up to caress her face.  “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean any of the things I said to you; it was all a ruse to flush out Nikaidou.  It was supposed to be me that he went after, not you; never you.  If I’d only known that you had feelings for me I never would have turned you away like that.  You’ve gotta come back to me; to us.  I need to tell you something but I want to tell you when you can respond back.”

As if his words held a magical cure, Amu’s eggs began to return to normal and her eyes regained sparks of life.  “Kukai…?” she whispered dazedly.

“I’m here Amu.  I’m so sorry!” he said with relief thick in his voice.  “I never should have said those things to you.  I should have told you what the plan was so that you weren’t hurt.”

“It’s ok.” Amu said as she hesitantly brought her own hand up to his face.

Kukai marveled at the contact for a minute before gazing seriously into Amu’s eyes.  “I have feelings for you, Amu.  I would never set you up for failure or wish you any harm.  I want to give you and I a try; is that ok?” he rambled nervously, desperate for her to understand.

“Oh Kukai…” Amu breathed.  She leaned forward and softly touched their lips together.  Pulling back, she smiled brilliantly and gently laid her forehead against his.  “I’d like nothing more.”

 

 

“Just a bit ago, I doubted my friends.  I doubted everything our friendship stood for but, above all, I doubted the feelings I held for one of my friends.  I disregarded everything we had been through on a few careless words.” Amu took a deep breath as she mentally discarded her written speech.  This was so much more important than what she had written.

“Nothing is more important in this world than staying true to yourself and what you believe in.  When doubts creep into your heart and taint your judgment, that is when you know that you have truly lost yourself.  Value your friends and hold them close to you always because that is the key to trusting in yourself and never losing yourself.”

As the assembled students and faculty rose in a fit of tumultuous applause, Amu’s sparkling golden eyes locked with Kukai’s proud forest green and she thought to herself, _“I’ll never doubt myself again.  With Kukai, I never need to fear being lost because he’ll always bring me back.”_


End file.
